my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
