Sponge bath it is.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
