My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
