I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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