I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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