Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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