I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
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he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
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Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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