was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
we're so committed to being not committed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
