you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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