Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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