remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
