So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
