Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
