You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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