I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
