Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
