can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
