it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
