franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
