i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
