i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
