If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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