I look better un-naked...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
