i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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