Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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