haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
