I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
