Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
