Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
