i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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