i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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