If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
