Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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