I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
