nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
