Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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