After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
