the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
