I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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