That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have demons in me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
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and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize