Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
