she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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