I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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