he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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