So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
