I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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