How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
