just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
