don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We need to get me chipped asap
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
