i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
A bitchslap is in order.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
