I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
