Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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