I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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