We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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