The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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