they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
never play flip cup with pint glasses
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
