8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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