she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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