I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
