So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
