A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
